Some Really Bad Christmas Gift Ideas

What are you getting your loved ones for Christmas?

If you can’t decide, some celebrities have some suggestions for you.

The Olsen twins’ fashion line is offering a backpack for $55,000.  (If you’re wondering what it looks like, it is black and has various sizes and shapes and colors of pills attached to it..  Yes, I said pills.  As in pharmaceuticals.)

Or you might like the juicer that Gwyneth Paltrow is recommending.  It’ll turn your carrots and your broccoli into a drink you can use to counterbalance all those Christmas cookies for a mere $4,739.

Or if you love your puppy dog as much as Oprah loves hers, you could do what she recommends and buy it a doggy lounger for $495.  This doggy “lounger” looks astonishingly like a doggy bed you can buy at Wal-Mart for 20 bucks, but hey, those doesn’t come with Oprah’s stamp of approval.

Here at, we’re devoted to making your life better.  We believe in truth and straight talk.  So here goes: If you buy any of these gifts (or any like them) you are an idiot.

We did some research and for the price of one of the Olsen Twins’ backpacks, you could feed 139 starving African children for a year.  For the price of Gwyneth Paltrow’s favorite juicer, you could provide 110 low-income children with an eye exam and a new pair of glasses.  And for the price of that doggy lounger that Oprah loves so much, you could make a car payment for some struggling family in your church that has been hit hard by sickness or unemployment.

Now, I am well aware that not too many idiots read this blog.  If the Olsen Twins are depending on my readers to buy their backpacks, they’re going to be disappointed.  Still, it doesn’t hurt us, especially at this time of year, to be reminded of how ridiculously out of whack the world’s thinking is.

Part of the challenge we Christians face during this season is to stand firm on our values when the people around us are losing their minds.  Gift giving is great.  It’s one way to express our love and appreciation.  But the Bible says, “Don’t love the world or the things in the world.” (1 John 2:15)  I know people who have spent more on one Christmas present than they’ve put in the church offering for an entire year.  Surely, God’s heart must break when his people allow their values to become so skewed.

So don’t call me Scrooge.  I’m all for showing love through gift giving.  Just please, take your faith with you when you go shopping.


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One Response to Some Really Bad Christmas Gift Ideas

  1. Ed Williamson says:

    Amen brother!

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